Patriarchy- It's time to redefine this word.

Time to redefine patriarchy!

2024 has been an incredible year for me -with tons of growth (aka- trials and tribulations ;) and also blessings! And so, I had the time to reflect, think, question, contemplate, about everything in my life. This helped me get clear about the meaning of terms we use so nonchalantly in our every day lives; and get clear in a personal way. In this process, it was not just about contemplating the meaning of terms but rather understanding how it applies to me, my life, my values and ideas.

One such term I thought about is, “patriarchy” - a set of unspoken societal rules that favor men over women, or so I thought. If you ask google or chatgpt, the definition of patriarchy is: “Derived from the Greek word patriarkhēs, patriarchy literally means "the rule of the father" and is used to refer to a social system where men control a disproportionately large share of social, economic, political and religious power, and inheritance usually passes down the male line.”

Such a definition of this term may have been true at other times in our society. However, the rapid changes in how modern society is structured and how it is operating today; along with the accompanying cultural shifts in post world war II era, indicates a need to redefine this term.

Let’s look at how society is operating today. There is more balance and equality between the sexes in many areas of life, especially in the western societies. Access to education, jobs, financial opportunities, decision making in key aspects of life (including voting rights), etc has leveled the playing field to some extent. Yet, there is serious discontent and dissatisfaction in both sexes with regard to their life and society they live in. Men are thought of as still having more rights and privileges but men disagree and rightfully so if we were to take into account the rising angst, especially in young men, rise in mental health conditions in men, risk of suicide in men across all age groups, and rise in communities such as the ‘incels’ - or involuntarily celibate group.

On the other hand, women too are suffering despite key changes in society for the betterment of women. Women too are more depressed and anxious and are also experiencing more health conditions such as autoimmune disorders which are considered to be proof of the burden of stress or trauma on a person. The feminist movement in the 20th century was so promising but I feel (as a woman) it has failed to create true or a “dharmic” equality of sexes and genders.

This begs a definition for the word, ‘Dharma.’ Simply said, Dharma refers to “anything (idea, action, intention, etc) that holds or sustains life”. Its a simple definition but packed with so much meaning. To be Dharmic refers to being in alignment with dharma. The ancient Vedic texts of Bharat (formerly, India) prescribe a Dharmic life for prosperity, balance, joy, harmony, and fulfillment, in this human life. So what is meant by “sustains life,”? The word ‘life’ as used here refers to the sustenance of the entire cosmos, from its smallest to the largest being. It takes into account the needs, desires, and ‘vasanas’ or tendencies of each and every life form, irrespective of ‘assigned value’ to these entities. When applying Dharma, one is called to do exactly this. From this lens, the feminist rallying cry of equality of genders and sexes has resulted in women forced into being men and vice versa. Now, if a woman wants to do this due to her innate desires, needs, tendencies; then dharma says she should be allowed to do so. But when we dictate behavior across large sections of society in a cookie-cutter fashion, when we crave uniformity, that is when, despite good intentions, the end result is a-dharmic.

So, it seems that the system of patriarchy which seemed to favor men over women is no longer doing so. Today more than ever, both sexes or in other words, everyone is suffering. Hence, I propose a new definition for patriarchy, which is: Patriarchy - a system of societal or "unit" organization that adheres strictly, staunchly, and rigidly to a set of rules that serves a select few irrespective of harm to the collective; and works to maintain the established system of hierarchy (which on the surface appears to be men first, then women and lastly children), once again irrespective of harms caused or needs unmet of the collective or a subset of the collective. Viewed from this lens, patriarchy by nature is "a-dharma" and ultimately causes harm to everyone. Patriarchy thrives on a fear mindset and is tied to illusion of lack as well as illusion of separation; or ignorance of the ego that leads us to believe in separation or disconnection from our own self, from Source, from Nature, and from each other. Because a system of heirarchy is inherently based on concept of inequality of resources. Hence in a heirarchy, people on the top get first dibs and then it trickles down.

From this lens, we can account for the harms Patriarchy afflicts on everyone while its sustenance requires enabling and participation from everyone, men and women.

So, what do you think about this new definition of patriarchy? Please share your thoughts and comments below.